gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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