That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
