I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
