You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
