Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
