hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
