dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
