it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
