when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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