just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
