omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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