I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
