you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
