Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bring me that man meat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
