And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
