So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
