Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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