about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
