I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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