I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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