so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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