im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize