yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
