The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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