he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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