I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
