literally had 100 drinks last night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
