I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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