I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
