Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
