I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
