Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
