i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize