Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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