My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
