What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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