Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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