well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
