How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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