we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Too much gin, very little bucket
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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