very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
