I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
