erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
