dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
