Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize