Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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