She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
