I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
