"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So squirting runs in the family.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
