Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize