I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
