I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
