Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
