I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
