At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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