Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
