How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you made out with another girl for some wings
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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