I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
last night I used snow as a chaser
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