She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
