my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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