like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
