Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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