i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize