come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize