how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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