Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
