I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
