The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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