I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
