i just wanna soil my oats bro
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
