I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
