i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
