Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
