Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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