i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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