I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
