I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
