just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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