ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize