I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i think my cat just said my name.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
false alarm, still single
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