Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
