i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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