she was so not down for the gang bang
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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