So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
