So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
