He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
