Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
