I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize