so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
