saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
