I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
