Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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