Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
