my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
zippers are such a cool invention
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
