when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
