So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Everclear isn't food dammit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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