it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
