Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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