how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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