you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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