toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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