Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
plz talk dirty to me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
