I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
