he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
