Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
