woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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