she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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